11/05/22
Giggle 7 months have passed since the last time. Basically I just didn't exist for nearly a year! I'm good now though, I've got a new look at life since I'm "new". It sounds really stupid when I explain it but it's how I take/took it as. It's been a couple of months since I broke through and I've been doing so much better. Got really into Chainsaw Man after a reread. I've tried more alcohol some of which were gross but others i liked. I think that's all for now. Till next time^^
3/2/22
Truly I do not know what to do? At a complete loss or everything. Here's something that's for sure a Thing, I have lost friends :)c all because i don't know how to deal with anything. This is a fact. No birthday wishes. No nothings. "People who talk online sometimes" god shut up. You know that's not true when you barely fucking talk at all besides single word responses...others just stopped talking when i didn't do shit. Maybe i'm just fucking insane and imaging everything. I don't know. It's been hard to pretend to be someone who's died. Though I guess no one would understand huh.
2/19/2022
I don't understand how things can get worse in the matter of seconds. It's exhausting living here. It's draining. My shoulders and back just *Hurt* I do not know if I will last long. People confuse me. Everything confuses me. It's like yeah i did infact throw away ~8 years of queer self exploration(i guess that's how i'll put it) down the drain and now I am absolutetly Nothing. Sigh. I don't know it's been rough. I think I will buy some alcohol...
2/08/22
Things have gotten worse in the amount of time I did not update this :^) Disco Elysium is cool and very fun n sexy. Pathologic literally haunts me. Arcane is also very good and has taken over my mind lol.
09/3/2021
I'm tired...
6/24/21
WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH WHAT DID I DO SO WRONG TO SUFFER LIKE THIS I JUST WANTED TO HOPE AND BELIEVE I COULD BE WHATEVER AND WHOEVER I WANTED ADN TWO YEARS LATER IM JUST A FREELOADER FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE ENTIRE FAMILY EVERYONES MOVING ON AND SOON ILL BE TEH ONLY DAMN PERSON IN THIS TOWN I JUST WANTED TO BE HAPPY WAS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK...I'm what people remember last when thinking of the past that's my only existence. Just die already.
6/23/21
At the end of the day the one who gets left behind is me. Everyone's going to leave and I can't do anything about it. I'm happy ppl get to go to better things and improve themselves and whatnot but they leave and i can't change, I can't leave. Why can't I go with anyone? Is my existance such an error that I must suffer forever? It's because I feel jealous, right? I'm fucked haha.
6/22/21
I wish i had a single ounce of talent and dicipline. I ahve all these concepts and ideas and they'll never see the light of day because i'm not good enough to execute them nor will I ever be good enough. Nothing about my art was ever memorable. This is why i'm quitting art nothing was ever meant to be done with it, and I was naive to believe I could do anything with it.
6/20/21
Really fucking sucks that i can't say anything just UGH...i've been so angry and so totally lonely. I know i'm gonna be lonely again soon. It's gonna happen and I can't complain bc it was a long time coming. I guess i'll prepare to lose myself.
6/18/21
What is wrong with meeee! What's the faulty code in me that prevented me from turning into this? Did I cut a wire I shouldn't have? Why do my relantionships have short lifespan? Do I not deserve to be happy? I am very tired.